昨天的你  到底经历了些什么
今天的你  还背着怎样的负担

昨天的我  冲动自以为是
今天的我  要学习的还多

昨天  的我们
今天  怎么了

愿有一天

明天  的你
明天  的我

一起  经历些什么
一起  承受着负担

I never imagined that I’d write poetry in mandarin. Am also wondering whether 从前/今日 is a better choice over 昨天/明天.

I don’t know why the chinese text doesn’t show up in the post’s title, so it’s I placed an additional one in the body text.

You are so beautiful to me?

Can’t you see…?

Was walking out to lunch with the 2 interns, R & E. We usually have techie conversations, with today’s conversation touching on programming (E having just coded a small application). A few days ago E wondered how computers/applications calculated randomness. I posited that it should be quite simple (having learnt a bit about it before); some of the ways:

1. To include a certain percentage in which a certain event happened.
2. In RPG games, a certain ratio was assigned to each tile your character stood on, determining whether you would ‘randomly’ face an enemy. The ratios in each tile changed every second or so, so it was rather time-dependant.
3. The use of the math.random function, as in languages like Java.

E debated that even with percentages and ratios, it’s not really random. The programmer still preassigns certain ranges of values. And we really didn’t know how the math.random function worked. “How does the computer know how to generate random numbers, even with the math.random function?”, he exclaimed.

Flash back to today.

Having researched on randomness, E revisited the topic. What we thought to be random, was not random at all. Obviously human beings could come up with random numbers, but computers, although having artificial ‘intelligence’ would have to base that randomness on something. It turns out that certain computers/applications base it on a long string-ed number. E.g something like 2348923048902348902348909090909090909090909090909090909090909090909090909090909090909023481394891057
1907591375901759017219830123893284902384890849084902384902384908329048390284092384903284902384902384902
3849238401849018490389014890134890384290489008.…

You get the idea. It’s a fixed, pre-determined long of digits. And I guess the application will pick a certain portion of that number at a certain point in time to work with and generate that random number.

But my main point today is not about computer programming. E’s next statement is the main focus of today’s topic. He said that even whatever happens in life is not random. There’s cause and effect. As seen in computer programming, random events or numbers are not really random. There’s something out there that decides, causes things to happen. It’s quite heartening to hear that from a pre-believer.

So I call out to my brothers & sisters who already believe. Whatever happens in your life… know. Know that nothing happens by chance. They can be caused by your own, and others’ actions. Know that Our Father, the great programmer of life, is in control. I quote from one of my older blogs(25 Dec 2005!):

“God is the creator. Therefore He knows all the variables. He knows all the possible permutations and combinations which will lead to the fulfillment of His perfect plan.

So we might see things as being bad, or we question why certain things have to happen. Through my current walk with Christ, I have realised that God allows certain things to happen. When you’re ‘in it’; i.e the ‘situation’. You won’t be able to see why it happens. But one day God will let you see why it happens. Be it 1 month after, or years after. But only then will you acknowledge that, ‘Yes, God has everything in control’. And He is able to use our mistakes and failures for His glory.”

I end this entry by saying that for God to make the best out of it, we must desire to be obedient to Him, to be set apart. Oh what bountiful blessings flow from the grace of God when we are right with Him!

I hope these will bless & edify my readers in someway.

I’m not sure what to do with this yet. Just a glimpse of what may be, or not.

I’ve been ill all week nursing an on & off fever for 5 days. Yes. I wonder how many brain cells were fried in the process. Prior to the illness I was raring to go and give ‘it’ my best, whatever ‘it’ I’m referring to.

I spent most of my week sleeping, wasn’t able to do much. I just couldn’t focus and concentrate. I guess what I experienced can be summarized as “the spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak”.

I’ve learnt to really appreciate good health and time. I will do my best not to waste away my life any more. For Your glory, my Lord, let me live.

Let me live.

So today I  am making a statement. I am determined to give it my best. I want to be transformed. Lord, I allow you to do Your work in me. From this day forth, I don’t want to ever be the same anymore. This is my prayer, this is my life. Use it for Your glory. Amen.

In this blog’s predecessor, I mentioned drafting lots of entries but never got about posting them.

I also brought up the issue of the style of writing that my web outlet of expression should take. I couldn’t express myself freely before. But I think I’ve gotten onto something, I think something’s changed inside me. I can write now.

I recently read an article in Reader’s Digest about writing memoirs. It mentions that memoirs are interesting snippets from one’s life, whereas an autobiography is the story of an entire life. Perhaps I’ll write snippets, I do hope they are interesting! Haha.

I include a word-for-word excerpt of an interview of Jeannette Walls, a writer of a book of memoirs : “So many of us think that certain things only happened to us and somehow they make us less of a person. I’m constantly urging people, especially older folks, to write about their lives. It gives you new perspective. It was hugely eye-opening for me and very carthartic. Even if the book hadn’t sold a single copy, it would still have been worth it.”

I think I’m one of the older ones among my readers –_-. And yes, writing has been really carthartic.

Another excerpt from Frank McCourt, Pulitzer Prize winning author: “…99.9% of people lead boring lives. But every single one of them is trying to make some sense out of his or her existence, to find some meaning in the world, and therein lies the value and opportunity of  a memoir. It’s therapeutic for the writer, and it eventually helps his or her descendants understand themselves better”.

You’ll have to read the preceding text from the article to understand why he mentioned that 99.9% of people lead boring lives; not that they are really boring.

Continuing from McCourt’s opine:

1. “Memoir is about handing over your life to someone and saying, This is what I went through, this is who I am, and maybe you can learn something from it“
   
2. “It’s honestly sharing what you think, feel, and have gone through. If you can do it effectively, then somebody gets the wisdom and benefit of your experience without having to live it”
3. “Writing about your life is also about coming to a fresh understanding of it at an age when you probably think you know yourself pretty well. Novelist Stephen King has said, “I write to find out what I think”.

I think the problem of my previous entries were their crypticism. I talked too much in riddles; as was the case in all blogs past. I think that I’m doing a disservice to my readers, as the article mentions. The purpose of this blog thus, is to firstly: edify readers, 2ndly: to shed some light on this wonderful conundrum that is me (oops I did it again :p).  I will strive not to write as a detached observer as before, else my story will be one that read like it was “wrapped in cellophane”.

I apologize for the extensive plagiarism. And memoirs of an invisible man are no more.

It was 2002(or 00,01?) when Ryan and I were in polytechnic. We had the idea of sending a petition to SMRT to install doors on overhead stations. To be included in the petition was a Flash-animated clip showing how the system would work. We never got down to it.

I wonder how many lives could have been saved, how many accidents prevented if we, or someone stood up earlier and raised the suggestion?

I know that if it was God’s desire for such a plan to be carried out (there and then), He would have informed some other people to do so (if Ryan & I didn’t go ahead with the idea). But it could also be His desire that He allowed this to go on. The question then would be, whether one feels the need or urgency to step up. Perhaps one may say,“No, I don’t think I’ll fall down, so it doesn’t concern me” or “Well if safety measures are implemented, people will find some other way to put an end to their lives anyway”. I believe that our God-given human wisdom does have a part to play in caring for others around us too. I think that wisdom allows us to recognize dangers/problems in society or the community we’re part of.

Will we stand up? Will I stand up? There are many things I see, think I see. There are many things I hear, think I hear. As for me, the signs have been pointing that I need to make a stand. I cannot sit and watch any longer. I pray that my heart is in tune with the Father’s heart, and that I’ll be able make a stand and speak. Use me, oh Lord!

Stop and stare, no more.